Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love Christmas and all of the Christmas traditions, but once in a while I like to have some fun with it and scary it up. Check out what I did with the traditional Christmas story The Night Before Christmas.

The Zombie Night Before Christmas

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, except for a mouse;
The mouse came from a medical research lab test,
But didn’t completely die like the rest;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While nightmares of spiders danced in their heads;
And mamma in the kitchen had spotted the mouse,
Whacked it with a hammer and got blood in her mouth;
Inside her body there arose such a clatter,
As the virus mutated to make her mad as a hatter.
Away out the door she flew like a flash,
Ran down the street moaning, covered in a rash.
The moon shone on her as she ran down the lane
Seeking to quench her new hunger for brains.
When, what to her rotting eyes should appear,
But a group of carolers singing with cheer.
Their cheers turned to screams as she bit at their heads,
Soon the whole group was lying there dead.
But that didn’t last long as they rose to their feet,
They now also wanted some brains they could eat.
From door to door and throughout the night,
Zombies ruled the town and everything in sight.
The army was called in with big guns and tanks,
They surrounded the town and protected their flanks.
But a little old lady, now undead and quick,
Bit the arm of a soldier, and made him get sick.
The soldier was taken to HQ to be checked,
And soon the army base was totally wrecked.
The army, the guard, and the mighty marines,
All failed to stop the bloodthirsty fiends.
I wanted to run, and was turning around,
Then down from the sky St. Nicholas came with a bound.
He was dressed all in kevlar, from his left to his right,
He knew how to protect himself from zombies that bite;
A bundle of weapons he had flung on his back,
And he looked like an action hero ready to attack.
His eyes — how they twinkled as he fired his guns,
His cheeks were like roses, his aim second to none!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the blood of the zombies covered the snow;
The pins of grenades he pulled with his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
And his axe cut through zombies like jelly.
He cut off their heads, to kill them for good,
Saving the world as only few could;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
He spoke not a word, but finished his work,
And burned all the bodies; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up from the rubble he rose;
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,

“Those damn zombies really ruined my night.”

By: Scary Jane (with a little help from the classic story)

Nothing warms my heart more than the jolly old man in the red suit except maybe a zombie. Especially if he’s eating Santa’s brain. Don’t you just want to piss off some way too happy holiday shopper with this t-shirt? What about that crazy woman that grabbed the last Honey Glazed Ham at the grocery store? Or that crazy jerk that covered his house in lights and blacked out the whole neighborhood? Come on! Help me spread the Chistmas dread and wear your Sorry, Virginia – Zombies ate Santa’s brain t-shirt. You know you want to.

Now that holiday shopping is in full swing I thought I’d pass on good gift ideas that I come across on my wanderings around the net. My big problem is always finding gifts for the stockings. Mainly because I firmly believe that all stocking stuffers should fit into the actual stocking. No laying it on the mantel next to the stocking for me! Keeping that in mind I found a great stocking stuffer for that zombie loving relative. I’m also hoping that since I’m posting about it Scary Hubby will get a clue and get me one. This is the Dismember-Me Plush Zombie. You can pull off both his arms, his legs, pull apart his body, remove his head and pull out his brain. Just think if you get a whole bunch of these you could make your own zombie movie! How funny would that be? Well, actually that’s exactly what ThinkGeek.com did with them. I swear I thought of it first, though.

I know another Zombie post. I’m obsessed and I have a problem. Is there a group meeting for that? Zombie Lovers Anonymous? Obviously I need help with my habit. Blame it on Zombieland. They did this to me! Anyway, I saw this t-shirt, busted a gut and ordered one all in one breath. This particular shirt warns drivers of potential Zombie Crossing. According to Zombieland this might just be a necessity in the future. If you saw the movie ***SPOILER*** you know that the zombie state was originally caused by Mad Cow disease. With all of the H1N1, Bird Flu and other things floating around it is only a matter of time until there are zombies everywhere and we’ll need this road sign. Kudos to Durtbagz.com for thinking ahead.

As usual today is T-shirt Tuesday. Normally I would feature a t-shirt that you could buy, but not this time. This Zombie t-shirt was a promotional t-shirt for Resident Evil that was given away in San Diego at Comic-Con. I was there, but unfortunately did not get to be one of the lucky ones that received this fantastic t-shirt. This t-shirt was just too cool not to show you. Hopefully if enough people talk about it somebody will come along and produce the shirt so we can all buy it. The t-shirt is pretty simple on the front and says, “Let your darkside out” with a creepy zombie image behind it. On the back is the Resident Evil graphic. As you lift the shirt over your head a zombie face appears and turns an otherwise normal t-shirt into a zombie costume. Lifting the shirt up this way also forces your arms into the standard zombie position! How amazingly cool is that? The only downside would be for us girls, though I’m thinking guys would disagree. I’m not sure I’d want to lift my shirt over my face just for a mask. Weren’t we taught as little girls never to lift our shirt over our heads? I guess you could wear a shirt under it. Either way I really want one and it sucks that you can’t buy them!

OMG! I just came across this great Zombie Pin-up calendar that I can’t live without in 2010. Apparently they have been making it for a few years now. How could I have missed this? Ever since I saw Zombieland a few weeks ago I’ve been obsessed with all things zombies. It may be pics of girl zombies, but who cares? It’s absolutely hilarious. I just hope that next time my car is in the shop getting an oil change I see this calendar on the wall instead of the ususal boring bimbos.

Since I saw Zombieland a few weeks ago I’ve been obsessed with all things zombie. I wish I had planned to have a Halloween party this year, but it becomes bigger and bigger and therefore more involved every year. Every other year is my limit. If I’m still into Zombies next year I might make it a zombie party. How cool would that be? It would be even better if it was warm enough to do it in your yard. I could just imagine driving by someone’s house with a whole bunch of zombies walking around in the yard and spilling into the street. Every Halloween there are quite a few cities that do a zombie crawl. If you haven’t been to one they are lots of fun. Usually it’s just everyone showing up on some city street dressed as a zombie and walking around for a few hours. People get very creative. That idea got me looking around at zombie costumes. Probably the best ones would be homemade, but I did find a couple of good ones. A good portion of them are quite lame, though. My one problem with most of the costumes is that they include a mask. I hate masks! I never where them. They look great, but they are so hot and sweaty. No one can ever understand what you are saying and you can’t hear anything. I’m not a huge fan of wearing lots of makeup, but it’s still better in my opinion.

We are getting really close to Halloween. I’m so excited. The whole month of Halloween I wear all of my scary t-shirts. I start with the tamer ones and progressively get scarier as the month goes by. Even though I have so many I can never get enough. I have just found one to add to my collection. It is pretty scary, so I might be wearing this one on the last day of the month. I can’t believe I have never seen this Glow-in-the-Dark Zombies and Ghosts T-shirt. The best part about this t-shirt is that the zombies and ghosts don’t appear until the lights go out! Until then it’s just a creepy mansion and graveyard. How could you not love that? The t-shirt is hand dyed. This means there is no iron-on that will crack and flake off. The ink is embedded in the 100% cotton. I wish it came in a girl’s t-shirt, but for $17.95 who cares? I ordered one anyway.

I just got back from seeing Zombieland. I’m not a big fan of zombie movies in general, but I do love the funny ones like Shaun of the Dead and Fido. Zombieland did not let me down. This was gorier than what I normally like, but the humor and casting made up for it. It starts out with a guy played by Jesse Eisenberg  just trying to stay alive in a world taken over by zombies. He meets up with Woody Harrelson’s character, who was a brilliant piece of casting, playing the anti-hero with nothing to lose. Together they embark on trying to find a place that isn’t overrun with zombies. They meet up with Abigail Breslin and Emma Stone’s characters and lots of zombie killing ensues. Along the way there is a fantastic cameo by someone I will not name. I don’t want to ruin it for anyone. Overall the movie is extremely gory, especially early on. Once you get to the meat of the story it’s not quite as bad. The best part of the movie was the narration by the main character. No real names are given in the movie, so they each go by the name of the place they are from. You get the feeling that Jessie Eisenberg’s character has been surviving for quite some time in zombieland and he has devised a list of survival rules. He’s very strict about not breaking them and throughout the movie these rules continually come into play. A great movie overall that I really enjoyed, as did most of the people in the audience. No where near the brilliance of Shaun of the Dead, but can any movie touch that?

It is officially October, so that means Halloween is here! Halloween is a month long celebration for me and to get it going I am showing you the first decoration that I can’t be without. Now this Zombie Lawn Statue is quite expensive, but I wouldn’t be adverse to leaving it out all year long. Then it would be worth it. I would probably hide a small green light behind it to give it that really special eeriness. That pissy old lady that lives next to me might just run for the hills when she sees this or just move away which would be even better. I might just have to invest in it just for that. It was designed by the artist Alan Dickinson in resin and sells for $89.95. Don’t you have a neighbor that you’ve been looking to give a good scare to?