Posts Tagged ‘St. Nick’

Scary Christmas Stockings

Filexd under: beverage,Books,Crafts,Jewelry — Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , — jane @

Are your stockings hung from the chimney with care yet? Or are you a lazy elf like me? I realized as I was sitting in front of the fireplace last night that I hadn’t hung up our stockings yet. I went to get them and realized that I’ve never liked them. We got them years ago as a gift from a friend and they are just a tad too cutesy for me/us. Obviously it wasn’t a close friend or they would have guessed that. Anyway, I started looking online for some new ones that I could order for next year. I found a great seller on Etsy that made some beautiful stockings like the one with the skulls on the right. The one on the left that I fell in love with though, I’m having a hard time finding. It’s an Emily the Strange Christmas stocking, but it doesn’t say that on it, which makes me really like it. It appears to have been discontinued as I have only found one available on ebay. Leave it to me to lust after something I’m going to have a hard time getting. Maybe I’ll wish for them to be in my cutesy stocking from Santa on Christmas morning.

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Scary Jane’s Night Before Christmas

Filexd under: Books,Holidays,Misc.,Story/Poem — Tags: , , , , , , , , — jane @

We all love Christmas right? And who doesn’t like hearing the Night Before Christmas? I’ve always thought it was a little sappy, so last year I decided to rewrite it. Click here to see Scary Jane’s take on that old classic.

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The Zombie Night Before Christmas

Filexd under: Misc.,News/Articles,Story/Poem,Weird Stuff — Tags: , , , , , , — jane @

Night Before Christmas

Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love Christmas and all of the Christmas traditions, but once in a while I like to have some fun with it and scary it up. Check out what I did with the traditional Christmas story The Night Before Christmas.

The Zombie Night Before Christmas

 
‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, except for a mouse;

 
The mouse came from a medical research lab test,
But didn’t completely die like the rest;

 
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While nightmares of spiders danced in their heads;

 
And mamma in the kitchen had spotted the mouse,
Whacked it with a hammer and got blood in her mouth;

 
Inside her body there arose such a clatter,
As the virus mutated to make her mad as a hatter.

 
Away out the door she flew like a flash,
Ran down the street moaning, covered in a rash.

 
The moon shone on her as she ran down the lane
Seeking to quench her new hunger for brains.

 
When, what to her rotting eyes should appear,
But a group of carolers singing with cheer.

 
Their cheers turned to screams as she bit at their heads,
Soon the whole group was lying there dead.

 
But that didn’t last long as they rose to their feet,
They now also wanted some brains they could eat.

 
From door to door and throughout the night,
Zombies ruled the town and everything in sight.

 
The army was called in with big guns and tanks,
They surrounded the town and protected their flanks.

 
But a little old lady, now undead and quick,
Bit the arm of a soldier, and made him get sick.

 
The soldier was taken to HQ to be checked,
And soon the army base was totally wrecked.

 
The army, the guard, and the mighty marines,
All failed to stop the bloodthirsty fiends.

 
I wanted to run, and was turning around,
Then down from the sky St. Nicholas came with a bound.

 
He was dressed all in kevlar, from his left to his right,
He knew how to protect himself from zombies that bite;

 
A bundle of weapons he had flung on his back,
And he looked like an action hero ready to attack.

 
His eyes — how they twinkled as he fired his guns,
His cheeks were like roses, his aim second to none!

 
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the blood of the zombies covered the snow;

 
The pins of grenades he pulled with his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;

 
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
And his axe cut through zombies like jelly.

 
He cut off their heads, to kill them for good,
Saving the world as only few could;

 
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;

 
He spoke not a word, but finished his work,
And burned all the bodies; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up from the rubble he rose;

 
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
“Those damn zombies really ruined my night.”

By: Scary Jane (with a little help from the classic story)

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