Anyone who has a child knows that shopping for new clothes and shoes is a monthly practice. I absolutely hate shopping in stores, but I also can’t have my child looking like she’s getting ready for a flood. Scary daughter will be 9 years old soon and I swear if I stare long enough I can actually watch her grow. She’s a bloody weed! If she doesn’t grow out of them then she destroys them on the playground. She’s very athletic, so she’s always playing some sport and ripping her jeans during recess. Anyway, I could complain about that all day, but there is a reason I brought it up. I went to Target today to replenish her jean supply and sneakers. Keep in mind, shopping is pure torture for me. I want to be at home in my PJs and zombie slippers in front of my computer when I shop, not dealing with mothers who don’t control their brats. There was actually some demented child there that kept blowing his whistle. Of course his mom was oblivious to it and seemed to purposefully go wherever I went. I thought I was going to lose my mind. I finally got to the shoe department and got Scary Daughter some sneakers and started to leave. All of a sudden I saw them. They were surrounded in a halo just like in the movies. A pair of boots. But not just any pair of boots. These were black rubber boots covered in skulls! I got so excited and ran over to them only to discover that they were kids boots. No adult sizes. I was crushed. After standing and staring at them for a good 10 minutes listening to the whistling freak, I decided that Scary Daughter needed them and I would just have to live vicariously through her. Why, oh why were kid’s clothes so boring when I was a kid?

When we go home to Scary Hubby’s family for Thanksgiving Scary Daughter is usually showered with gifts. Which is okay. They don’t see her that often. On this particular trip she was given a Scorpion Sucker that an Aunt had picked up while she was in Arizona. If you would like one of your own you can find them here. As she was getting ready to open it up and take a lick we all noticed the scorpion inside. This began a rather lengthy discussion on whether it was a real scorpion or not. I insisted it was since I myself have been tricked into eating chocolate covered bugs in the past. Put chocolate on it and I’ll eat it. (Get your mind out of the gutter!) Anyway, Scary Daughter is not particularly fond of bugs and I really can’t blame her. Especially scorpions since she has heard me tell my story one too many times. When I was about 10 years old I lived in Dallas, Texas. We lived in a brand new house by what could loosely be called a lake. There were no other homes around us, so I guess the wildlife decided we were a great place to hang out.  We tried everything to get rid of the field mice, snakes, spiders and bugs. We even had these huge jumping tarantula like spiders. Scorpions, unfortunately, often found their way into our house. One particular night my Dad had sent me into his room to get something for him. I didn’t bother turning on the light since I knew where it was. As I was walking I felt like I stepped on a small pin or something. I turned on the bedside lamp and as I was looking at my foot saw the rather large scorpion about a foot away from me. I started screaming bloody murder. They rushed me to the hospital and luckily I was not allergic to the venom. It hurt like hell though and lasted for days. I will never forget that pain. So, after having heard the story before, Scary Daughter was not ever going to try it and gave it to me. She then said that I could pretend it was the one that stung me and now I could have my revenge and eat it. So not going to happen.

Halloween was a big success at our house this year. We had 164 trick-or-treaters which is more than we had last year. A lot of that is due to the fact that we live in a new area that is still being built up, so next year will be even more. As for the unofficial Neighborhood Decoration Competition that I mentioned last week, we won hands down. All is right with the world, though some neighbors swear to outdo us next year. Considering that we already have some great ideas, I doubt it. The spiderweb came out really well. People were totally freaked out at having to walk under it. As promised I took some pictures of it during the building, but unfortunately completely forgot to take a picture after the first step when I tied the three ropes together. You can get an idea of what it looked like by looking at the first picture. I started with a knot in the middle and slowly worked in a spiral until I reached the edges tying an overhand knot at each intersection. Getting the tensions just right was a little tough because I knew it would be a lot different once it got put in place. Using a overhand knot, though, allows you to slide it up and down on the basic structure to adjust it. The whole process including measuring time took about 4 hours, but it’s reusable which will make next year a lot easier. It went up into place quite easily, but the worst part was getting the spider positioned so it wouldn’t weigh down the web. Take a look at the pictures we took during the making of the web and the final product in place. Unfortunately the web doesn’t show up so well in the final picture, but it looked great and you’ll just have to take my word for it.

Now that we are getting down to the wire on Halloween I want to pass on some things that you can do to spook up your crib a little more. A lot of the stores are running out of things and so is your wallet, so it’s a good time to get the creativity juices flowing. Every year we try to add a new thing to our house for Halloween. Up until now we have always had a 6′ spider web hanging up on our porch with a big spider on it. This year I got a bee up my butt and decided that wasn’t enough. I started looking online for anyone who had built a giant spider web. I’m talking about a 20′+ spider web and that means the actual spider web being 20′+ not counting the attaching ropes. While I did find some good tutorials none of them were quite as big as I want it. I want it stretched from the roof of my porch and across the lawn to attach to some trees on the other side of the sidewalk. Scary Hubby always rolls his eyes when I come up with these ideas, but he happily goes along. We have had some new people move in around the neighborhood who have sworn to beat us at the Best Decorated House competition and I can not allow that to happen.We never unveil our decorations until the day of Halloween. We want people to see it for the first time on Halloween night to get the maximum scare.  Anyway, while the tutorials weren’t for big enough spiderwebs, I figured I would just use the same technique with more rope. I bought 600′ of white nylon clothing line. I figured the cotton would deteriorate over time since it is usually snowing or raining here on Halloween. Most of the people online that had done it, built it in place. Since we don’t like people to know what we are doing in advance we can’t really build it on the spot. So, our back yard will have to do. I thought we would just do it on the lawn (yeah, I know what you’re thinking dickhead) but Scary Hubby just had the idea of stretching it between the fences. That way there’s no bending over (I still know). Now you could just go the easy route and buy the mega one shown here from the Spider Web Man for $149.95, but I’m not willing to do that when I can build it for $20 and have it exactly the way I want. Of course, if you are the dickhead I think you are you’ll probably buy it. I’ll post some pics when we build it.

Yuck! Too scary for me. Don’t know if this is real, but here it is anyway. Can you imagine standing behind her in line? It looks so real, that I’m sure someone falls for it and tells her she has a spider on her neck. I must admit though that it is very well done.

*Thanks Lisa for the photo and thanks for the creepy crawlies that I now have!

I know it’s a little early for most people to be thinking about Halloween, but not me. Every year we try to outdo ourselves and everyone else on the block. The only way to do that is to have your eyes open all year round. I have been buying remote controlled spiders for years and have never found one that really works well or is all that realistic. A while back I ordered one from the UK and it finally arrived. Unfortunately I could not seem to find this guy here in the US, so I had to wait. This Radio Controlled Spider is far and away much better than all the ones I’ve seen. I got the Black Widow, but it is also available in a Tarantula, but I’m not sure you can get that one anymore. You’d have to look around. It was designed by the Natural History Museum as an educational toy. Yeah, right. Maybe an education in how to scare people out of their minds. Anyway, he measures quite big at approx. 12″ wide and 10″ long and runs on 6 AA batteries and 1 9V battery. Like other radio controlled spiders you can hear a little motor, but the plus with this one is the look and movements which are far superior to any I’ve seen before. I can’t wait to try it out on Scary Hubby, though he’s used to my attempts to scare him, so I don’t know how well that will work.

After I received so many emails on the last picture I posted I thought I’d try to post this one. I’ve had this picture for a while, but have no idea where it came from. I think it’s somewhere in Great Britain, but I could be wrong. I find this guy to be very creepy. Judging by the surroundings of the statue it looks like it’s in the middle of nowhere. I would jump thirty feet in the air if I was walking down a quiet lane and came upon this guy. I’d love to meet him. Anyone out there able to help me? I’ll post when I find out something.

Here is a picture of a scary statue that I found on the internet. I absolutely love this statue. The problem is I have no idea where this statue is or if it is even real. It looks real, but in the age of Photoshop who knows? I’d also like to know what it is actually a statue of. It looks like the Grim Reaper, but I can’t imagine anyone making a statue of him. I can’t make out what the plaque says. If anyone knows anything about this statue please email me or post a comment. I continue to search on the internet for it. I’ll post if I find out anything.

*Update: Ask the world of the internet and quickly get an answer. Gotta love it! This was designed by Anna Chromy, a sculpter & painter born in the Czech Republic. Her best-known piece is the empty coat, known as Coat of Conscience. There is one located in Austria, one in Praque, one in Athens and a few others. So much for for my scary ideas. Thanks Irie.

I know I mostly cover scary things on this blog, but once in a while I come across something gross that’s worth talking about. Actually this is just beyond creepy and gives me the heebie jeebies. Artist Aganetha Dyck works with honeybees to create sculptural objects that end up coated and filled with precisely formed honeycomb structures. This just gives me the complete creeps. It reminds me of those old horror movies from the ’70s that were about killer bees taking over the world. Killer Bees, The Bees, The Swarm etc. I just remember in one of those movies somebody being found dead covered in honeycomb. That scared the crap out of me as a child and gave me nightmares for weeks. I really see no reason anyone would ever want to put this art on display, but maybe that’s just me. I swear I was just looking at the pictures again and my gag reflex kicked in. ICK!

I know it’s already the middle of January, but I have another calendar for you that I just couldn’t not talk about. Someone sent me the link to this site where they feature a Coffin Calendar. I believe the calendar is actually called Sexy Coffins Calendar. This calendar is created by Cisa, a funeral home and coffin factory based in Rome, Italy. I suppose it is a way to advertise their…uh…services. On the page you can look through the pictures featured each month. As I was looking through it I noticed something. Well, first off I should point out that each calendar features one or more scantily clad goth girls posing around coffins. Some of them are pretty cool and some of them just T&A crap. On closer inspection, though, you will notice that in every single picture they are using the exact same coffin. Huh? First of all the Calendar is called “Sexy Coffins”. So apparently either they carry only one coffin that they believe to be sexy or it is just a sexy goth girl calendar in disguise. Secondly, I understand putting the scantily clad women around the coffin, but if you are trying to promote your business wouldn’t it make more sense to show a different coffin in each picture? You too can own this calendar for the small price of $16.95, but if you were looking for a brochure from the company look elsewhere.

*Thanks Angelia for the link