Wrapping presents is one of my all time favorite things to do. I have a room in my new house that is dedicated to just that. That was one of the things I said to Scary Hubby that I had to have in our new house. He knows about my obsession, though he does not share it or understand it. I have a hard time during this time of year because there is wrapping paper and bows in all the stores and I just can’t resist buying it. I’m always on the lookout for unusual or even scary ones to add to my ever growing collection. Today I came across these two lovely ones. I’ve seen bone wrapping paper before, but this one is really nice. I especially fell in love with the blood splatter wrapping paper. I wonder what my family would think if I wrapped all of their Christmas presents in it. Ah! They’d probably just shake their heads and say, “Typical Jane, always trying to shock us.” They’re all pretty used to me by now. I think I’ll do it anyway.

Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love Christmas and all of the Christmas traditions, but once in a while I like to have some fun with it and scary it up. Check out what I did with the traditional Christmas story The Night Before Christmas.

The Zombie Night Before Christmas

 
‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, except for a mouse;

 
The mouse came from a medical research lab test,
But didn’t completely die like the rest;

 
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While nightmares of spiders danced in their heads;

 
And mamma in the kitchen had spotted the mouse,
Whacked it with a hammer and got blood in her mouth;

 
Inside her body there arose such a clatter,
As the virus mutated to make her mad as a hatter.

 
Away out the door she flew like a flash,
Ran down the street moaning, covered in a rash.

 
The moon shone on her as she ran down the lane
Seeking to quench her new hunger for brains.

 
When, what to her rotting eyes should appear,
But a group of carolers singing with cheer.

 
Their cheers turned to screams as she bit at their heads,
Soon the whole group was lying there dead.

 
But that didn’t last long as they rose to their feet,
They now also wanted some brains they could eat.

 
From door to door and throughout the night,
Zombies ruled the town and everything in sight.

 
The army was called in with big guns and tanks,
They surrounded the town and protected their flanks.

 
But a little old lady, now undead and quick,
Bit the arm of a soldier, and made him get sick.

 
The soldier was taken to HQ to be checked,
And soon the army base was totally wrecked.

 
The army, the guard, and the mighty marines,
All failed to stop the bloodthirsty fiends.

 
I wanted to run, and was turning around,
Then down from the sky St. Nicholas came with a bound.

 
He was dressed all in kevlar, from his left to his right,
He knew how to protect himself from zombies that bite;

 
A bundle of weapons he had flung on his back,
And he looked like an action hero ready to attack.

 
His eyes — how they twinkled as he fired his guns,
His cheeks were like roses, his aim second to none!

 
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the blood of the zombies covered the snow;

 
The pins of grenades he pulled with his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;

 
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
And his axe cut through zombies like jelly.

 
He cut off their heads, to kill them for good,
Saving the world as only few could;

 
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;

 
He spoke not a word, but finished his work,
And burned all the bodies; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up from the rubble he rose;

 
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
“Those damn zombies really ruined my night.”

By: Scary Jane (with a little help from the classic story)

Nothing warms my heart more than the jolly old man in the red suit except maybe a zombie. Especially if he’s eating Santa’s brain. Don’t you just want to piss off some way too happy holiday shopper with this t-shirt? What about that crazy woman that grabbed the last Honey Glazed Ham at the grocery store? Or that crazy jerk that covered his house in lights and blacked out the whole neighborhood? Come on! Help me spread the Chistmas dread and wear your Sorry, Virginia – Zombies ate Santa’s brain t-shirt. You know you want to.

Are you tired of vampires? Are you sick of hearing about the Twilight stars? Well, I am! So hears more. Actually this one is more interesting. My Mother-in-Law of all people alerted me to this. Just shows how cool she is. Anyway, it’s an iPhone app called Vampire Transformer that was created by Peter Facinelli (Dr. Carlisle Cullen from Twilight) and the 211me.com team. It allows you to transform a photo of someone into a vampire. You can blend your photo with one of over 30 vampires to create your own personal vampire. Then you can send your creations to Twitter, Facebook, and their online Vampire Gallery. It’s all done with layers, so the more layers you use the grosser you get. You do have to have an iPhone to get the app. I downloaded it earlier and I’ve been having a blast with it. Try doing it to pictures of your pets or babies. That’s when it gets really twisted.

Are you into headbanger music? Are you a fan of the Headbanger’s Ball on MTV? Well, I’m not, but at one time when the original Headbanger’s Ball was on MTV I was. Now you can have computer speakers that will take your headbanging to a whole new level. These Skull Computer Speakers look like they have been headbanging a few too many times actually. Maybe you should give them a break, let them rest and only play Barry Manilow on them. Or maybe you should let your true nature show and put these two little guys in your cubicle at work. Be proud of your headbanging ways and wear your concert tees with pride in the office. No one will ever mistake you for that preppy prick in accounting again.

Are you heading to some parties for the holidays? You know you never want to arrive empty handed. Well, to show off your unique personality, or as some would say weird, why not buy them a bottle of Crystal Head Vodka? The bottle alone is worth the $49.99 that it will cost you. Plus there is a fun website where you can hear all about the thirteen crystal skulls that were scattered around the world thousands of years ago from Dan Akroyd who is part owner of the company. The vodka is even supposedly filtered through diamonds, though it’s hard to know how much to believe from the video. Either way this makes a great gift and I’ll expect mine to arrive soon from one of you guys!

Have you heard of Vampira? I’m sure you have unless, of course, you never crawl out from under your rock. She was the original Mistress of the Dark. Elvira was inspired by Vampira. She was the first television horror movie hostess from 1954 to 1955 and then again briefly in 1956. Although the show didn’t last long Maila Nurmi (Vampira) was nominated for an Emmy for the character and has a huge cult following to this day. Maila Nurmi actually passed away just last year. I happened to pick up the latest Gothic Beauty magazine and there was a big article in it about her. I know I claim not to be a Goth, just a lover of all things scary, but lets face it a lot of the stuff I blog about would fall into the Goth catagory. It’s a cool magazine and it gives me great ideas sometimes, so I pick it up now and then. You should check out the magazine so you can read this article, but you can also find out all about Vampira at her website OfficialVampira.com.

I absolutely love to crochet. Unfortunately, I never seem to be able to find the time anymore. The bookstore, this blog, my family…let’s face it they all get in the way. I mean is my family really all that important? I don’t really need to feed my daughter right? Or wash her clothes? She could probably handle it herself. She is after all 7! And Scary Hubby, well, if he can’t feed himself by now he’s a lost cause. Crocheting is so much more important when there is a skull to make! Screw my family, I need to put my priorities in order and you should too. If you want to forget about your family and make it go here. It is a free pattern, but you do have to become a member first.

Now that holiday shopping is in full swing I thought I’d pass on good gift ideas that I come across on my wanderings around the net. My big problem is always finding gifts for the stockings. Mainly because I firmly believe that all stocking stuffers should fit into the actual stocking. No laying it on the mantel next to the stocking for me! Keeping that in mind I found a great stocking stuffer for that zombie loving relative. I’m also hoping that since I’m posting about it Scary Hubby will get a clue and get me one. This is the Dismember-Me Plush Zombie. You can pull off both his arms, his legs, pull apart his body, remove his head and pull out his brain. Just think if you get a whole bunch of these you could make your own zombie movie! How funny would that be? Well, actually that’s exactly what ThinkGeek.com did with them. I swear I thought of it first, though.

Someone sent this Flower Skull T-shirt in to me for T-Shirt Tuesday a while back and I keep forgetting to post it. This week I remembered, so yay me! Yeah, I know, I suck. Anyway, it’s a really cool t-shirt, though I’m not sure it’s too good for the male gender. Might be a little flowery. The cool thing is it is a plain t-shirt with the outline of a skull and it comes with washable markers. Why is this cool, you ask stupidly? Well, you color in the design however you want with the markers and then when you wash it the color gets washed out and you get to do it again! Every time it’s a fresh canvas. So if you’re feeling sad you can color it all in shades of blue, if you’re happy then pinks and reds or whatever you want. It’s a different shirt every time. Actually I just really like it plain.

*Thanks Ghoulgirl69